2026-05-06 Roblox is a Big Lie

I'm tired of holding my silence. I think Roblox may be a Big Lie. Let me explain. (This is in regards to some recent headline I saw about this supposed game. Something to do with age verification.)

I'm a man in my 30s. Thus, I've no real connection to Roblox. And no desire to. But...I occasionally will hear about it and it just seems...odd. It feels like every time I do hear something about Roblox, its existence becomes a little more mystical and exaggerated. Like at first it was just some random game. But it feels like it has become progressively larger, a lie too absurd for people not to believe. So, I've no idea what a Roblox is. What it looks like. What it's purpose is. But I'm told by my advisors that not only does this game exist, not only is its influence purportedly enormous, that its players number in the millions. But I'm also lead to believe that it has been around for nigh on two decades now? Longer than Minecraft?!

I find this difficult to swallow. I don't pretend to know absolutely everything going on in gaming. But as a pretty standard person who grew up with video games, I like to think I'm reasonably familiar with most of the big things out there. The cultural behemoths. Like, I've never been a sports guy. But I knew people that played them. Could identify such a thing were I to see it. I didn't have to own an Xbox to know a Master Chief. There's a certain minimal level of cultural osmosis that everything radiates once it reaches a certain height. Where you are made to know all about it whether you'd like to or not. In the grand lake of mud that is the cosmos, in its limitless span of time that we have endured, I think most all of us that do the vidja game have been exposed to just about everything there is on that wicked mistress that is YouTube. That I could not pull from the depths of my mind an iota of information about Roblox seems deeply suspicious. How? How could I regularly be exposed to gaming Youtube for 20+ years now and never see a single Roblox? It seems impossible.

It's the numbers specifically that I question. Because there are obviously a countably infinite number of games out there that I have zero real knowledge of. Who could know everything? But again, I fall back on millions. Millions of people are playing this Roblox? It's like a...platform? That it just fully does everything and is a nation unto itself? Something ubiquitous? And every child in the country is and has been playing it for years? And I've never seen a single actual second of footage? I don't know a single person who has played it! No! It's absurd on the face of it. I would fully accept that such a game exists but I cannot believe that it's been around for as long as it supposedly has, and has had zero breakthrough. It must then be a lie. Something too ridiculous to be believed. Why this lie has been told, I do not know. What nefarious purpose it is for I could only guess at. The shadowy Roblox cabals are about and their intent may be heinous.

Now, of course I hear you say. "Jordan...what in the fuck are you even talking about? It is a video game. You could easily verify it is real by...looking it up. You have Google Kagi. If you were really feeling enterprising, you could download it and put all doubts to rest." No, says the man in Washington. No, says the man in the Vatican. No, says the man in Moscow. Say no, my brothers and sisters. Say no to big lies. Do not believe your lying eyes and ears. I do not believe in a Roblox and neither should you.